Truth, Lies, and Consequences
by shadoweddawn
Summary: "Why does anyone lie? Because we're scared?...There's a million reasons why a person lies...But sometimes, you tell a lie so big...that it changes your whole life." Her partner has abandoned her. And the lies she's hidden behind bring consequences for Kate Beckett.


Consequences can be good or bad. Sometimes both. Kate Beckett is forced to deal with the consequences of her lies to Castle as the truth is suddenly brought to light.

Set in season 4, right after Headhunters. Thank you for your time in reading, it is truly appreciated.

For Lauren.

* * *

The glass of red wine is half full as she settles on the couch, her slim fingers reaching for the book on the edge of the coffee table with little effort. She needs to get lost tonight, to forget about the anguish that is the loss of her partner. She opens the well read novel to the dog eared page only to read the same sentence repeatedly, Beckett too lost in thought to comprehend the words.

_He's pulling away. _

Images of Castle parading Jacinda around the precinct hurts. More than she wanted to admit, even to herself. She thinks briefly of their conversation at the swings, the innuendo hidden behind her walls apparently forgotten about somewhere along the way.

_He'd rather be with another detective. _

The grunt of anger echoes in the quiet, a furious shake of her head accompanying the noise. He'd been crazy to go along with Slaughter, despite the victory they had achieved today. He could have been killed. Was he that determined to hurt her?

A soft knock pulled her from thoughts of her crumbling partnership. Beckett huffs out a sigh as she glances at her watch, eyes widening in surprise at the lateness. Instinct causes the name to tumble from her lips as she opens the door, her hazel eyes colliding with tired blue ones.

"Castle."

He looks contrite as she glances over him, leather jacket creaking at the elbows as he shifts restlessly in her entryway. She hates the momentary elation that races through her at the sight of her partner. Or whatever the hell he was at the moment.

"What do you want, Castle?"

The words are harsher than she intended them to be, images of her partner doubled over in pain mere hours ago suddenly flashing through her mind as her question hangs in the balance. She ought to ask how he felt after Slaughter's punch to the gut.

No.  
He pulled away and didn't say anything.  
Well so could she.

He's quiet for a long minute, Castle's gaze smoldering as he holds her. She leans against the door as she waits him out, fear and excitement battling for supremacy within her heart. A shrug is his only response, the leather of his jacket rustling as he moved. A soft sigh escapes before she can catch it, the words tumbling out along with her breath, Beckett's heart overruling her head.

"Do you want to come in?"

He's hesitant, a flash of hurt darkening Castle's eyes before the mask he's worn so effortlessly the past few weeks is back in place, the staccato of his answer stabbing at her already fractured heart.

"Sure."

He looks out of sorts in her apartment, eyes taking in everything as the writer has always done. _I'm here for the story_, words from years ago that had once annoyed now brought unanswered questions. What part of her story could Castle find in her apartment, she mused as he took his time walking to the couch, which he didn't already know?

_The one that can show him you love him. _

The thought sends a quick wave of mutinous tears to her eyes, Beckett blinking them back furiously as she tried to keep her voice even.

"So. What-"

Before she can ask the question that has become a familiar refrain in her mind, Castle's soft question cut her off.

"Why did you do it? Why did you help me out today? I was in way over my head and you-"

He gestures wildly in her general direction, his mouth opening and closing in confusion as he stares at her. _At least she's not the only one completely thrown. _The puzzlement in his gaze too much for Beckett, she focuses her eyes her eyes to the spot above his left shoulder as she repeated his earlier shrug.

"It's what partners are for."

His feet carry him across the living room without mindful awareness at her simple declarative. She watches him pace for a minute before he stutters over his words to throw them back at her angrily.

"It's what _partners_ are for? Don't patronize me, Beckett."  
"Excuse me?"

She scoffs, anger flaring despite the confused hurt that muddles her thoughts. What the hell was he talking about?

Beckett hadn't moved from her spot by the door, hand still lingering on the doorknob. Castle stalked across the room at her tone, eyes bright with anger as he leaned into her, crowding Beckett against the door.

_God, he smells good._ Her gaze dropped to his lips of their own accord before she straightens her thoughts, anger flaring in her veins at the sarcastic smirk Castle grants her.

"Don't act like we're partners."  
"Me? You've got some nerve, Castle. You're the one running around with other cops, parading women around _my_ precinct, and acting like there's not-"

She shakes her head, pushing her shoulder into his broad chest as she leaves her thoughts hanging in the open, too afraid to say them out loud. Too afraid to know the possibility of truth. He doesn't budge but instead pushed further into her personal space.

"Kate."

The gentleness of his voice has her eyes flashing to his immediately, has Kate leaning into the door to take in his features. The pain she felt appears reflected back at her. A shaky hand reaches to brush a strand curl that has escaped her ponytail, but he stops short. She aches for his touch, the breath she can't seem to catch stuttering out between her teeth as he continues.

"Acting like what, Kate?"  
"Castle. I don't think now is the time to do this."

She feels more than hears Castle's frustrated sigh as he mutters furiously

"No, you don't get to do that again. You don't get to Castle me and act like we can go back to you hiding behind the walls. You already knocked them down, don't deny it. Why can't you just be honest with me?"  
"What the hell are you talking about?"

At her frustrated yell Castle takes a step back, Beckett missing the closeness despite the anger enduring between them. His teeth grind together as he speaks, his voice barely audible.

"I heard you, Beckett. In the interrogation room. You remember everything."

She takes two steps his direction as the truth spurs her into action, hands crossing across her chest on instinct to protect her from the blow of his words as he continues, quiet fury marking his words.

"You _lied. _About all of it. Your shooting, hearing me. You're still lying. The least you can do is telling me the truth."

Her heart hammers against her ribs as her mind immediately recalls the moment their lives changed so recently. She hadn't thought much about the cup of coffee he had brought that day, her eyes cutting to the observation room at the time and wondering why he had run off so quickly before being pulled into the case once again. The empty coffee cup that she had found on her desk weeks ago without the purchaser present suddenly meant so much more. It meant everything.

"You…you heard me. That day. The bombing suspect. That's the reason you…and Jacinda. And this ridiculousness with Slaughter."

She works through her thoughts aloud as she approaches him, keeping her eyes trained on Castle as the wheels turn in her head. He flinches as she lays her hand gently on his arm, his wounds at her lies almost as visible as the scars she bore that caused her deception.

"You think…." She waits for him to fill in the blanks, too afraid to try to guess the answer. Hurt laces his words as he picks up where she left off.  
"That our _partnership_ was nothing more than you trying to protect the little writer boy. It was simply a way to avoid letting me down easy."

The bitterness in his tone sends waves of guilt crashing upon her, Beckett's jaw dropping open of it's own accord. She tries to form the words, to find something to say that would get them back on track.

_What friendship? What you and Castle have is a holding pattern. How long can you circle until the fuel runs out? _

She can't wait anymore. He has to know. The apology springs to her lips, her simple words not nearly enough as her heart yearns to explain to him. To get him to understand. To understand herself.

"I'm so sorry, Castle."  
"For what, Kate? For lying or for getting caught?"  
"For hurting you."

Beckett takes a deep breath as he runs her finger down the buttons on his shirt, a soft smile tugging at the corner of her lips as the whisper of her name slips between his lips without conscious thought she believes, his simple nearness setting her pulse racing despite the waves of guilt and fear residing in her heart.

"I was shot, Castle."

The silence is deafening as he swallows hard, nodding wordlessly. Castle's hands find purchase on her waist as his breath hitches, his chest puffing out with the excess air he's holding. She welcomes the weight of his fingers on her hips as she says the words again, letting the truth settle around them.

"I was shot. And you told me you loved me."

She stumbles into the shelter of his body as she murmurs her apology, her breath washing across the smooth column of his throat. Beckett tucks her bottom lip between her teeth to trap the words for just a moment longer, the past she had let define her left suddenly appearing. Focusing on the clear blue of his eyes, the goodness of his soul, Beckett lets the words he needed to hear break free.

"I was lying in the hospital bed and all I felt was fire. All I could think was that I was alive, but I didn't know how. And I didn't know that I wanted to be. The only thing that had kept me alive for so long was hunting him, finding the son of a bitch that had my mother killed. And chasing that had almost gotten me killed. And then there was you. My partner. My friend. And I knew after L.A. that I needed to break up with Josh, that there was more with us that I couldn't deny anymore. But then…I was shot. And I died, Castle, right in front of you. And you told me…you told me you loved me. I couldn't get my head around it. I couldn't come back from dying in front of you to trying to deal with you saying you loved me."

A new understanding softens his gaze. She trails a finger down his cheek, drawing the azure eyes that tormented her dreams so often now down to her. Her heart swells with the truth of her love for this man, and the words that had ones seemed too big now seemed not enough.

"And I'm so sorry. I should have told you. I should have told you I heard you. I should have told you I needed to work through it. I should have told you that I wanted to be the woman you deserved, not the shell of who I was. And I should have told you I love you too."

He tenses at the words that fall effortlessly from Kate, her lips brushing at the base of his throat. He groans and presses the tips of his fingers hard into her waist. She repeats the motion and the words, letting the weight slip from her shoulders as she leans into him.

"I love you, Castle."

The words have barely tumbled from her lips before Castle's hauled her against him, lips crashing down on hers hungrily. Her moan is lost in him as she arches into the broad expanse of his chest, arms slipping around his neck to keep him drawn down to her. He's desperate as he moves her back, the cold steel of the door a stark contrast to the delicious heat of his body.

As his tongue slides along the seam of her lips, she questions what she had waited for. Her punishment was denying herself of this man and his love, and the mere knowledge brought angry tears to her eyes. His kisses sooth the ache of guilt she carries over hurting him, Beckett canting into his body as teeth and lips nipped and suckled.

"Let me love you, Kate. God, please, let me love you."

Frantic hands slip under the hem of her tee shirt, his broad fingers skimming along her muscular abs as he pushes the offending material up her body. She matches his desperation as she slides the buttons through the holes, a breathy sigh her only response at the bare skin finally reveled to her. She lets her fingers roam over the broad expanse of his chest as a hum of appreciation draws a smirk from Castle.

He's quick, sliding his hand down the expanse of her stomach as he slips his fingers below her waistband. He groans harshly as he feels her slick and eager, her teeth scraping along the pulse she sees jumping. Two fingers sliding effortlessly into her, Beckett's head dropping to his shoulder in pleasure as he stretches her deliciously. He fuels the fire as he presses his thumb to her clit, circling maddeningly slow as he builds her up.

She needs him. Now.

Beckett's agile fingers pop open his slacks and tug down his zipper. He bucks into her hand as she finds him hot and heavy, lips finding hers in a hot kiss as he draws her leg onto his waist. He's not gentle as he thrust into her, teeth sinking into her lip as she gasps into his mouth. He sooths the bite with his tongue as he moves within her, quick thrusts that have her racing towards oblivion. She meets his erratic movements as he pushes into her roughly, fingers lacing through hers as he presses the back of her hand to the door.

"I love you, Kate. I love you. I love you."

The feel of him and his words that she has so greatly clung to send her flying, nails digging sharply into his shoulders leaving crescent shaped marks as she clenches around him. She begs him to follow, rolling her hips into his as he chases her orgasm. She presses her lips to his ear, whispering the words that kept her heart beating when it should have stopped months ago.

"I love you."

He spills into her as he smudges his lips to hers, a low moan floating into her receptive mouth as his hips still against hers. The sound of the heavy breathing doesn't drown out the steady beating of her heart thundering in her head, beating in sync with her partner's.

Finally.

* * *

It's not until they are settled in bed, Castle drawing senseless patterns on her back with his fingers with feather light kisses tracing the circles, when she speaks again. She takes a breath as she uses her words, repeated the simple mantra that she had kept from him for so long. He takes it greedily between soft kisses and gentle touches.

Needing to tell him more, the truth that the writer would always need her words as much as she needed his actions, Beckett props herself up on her elbow and traces her thumb along his eyebrow. He closes his eyes at the simple contact, drawing a contented smile from Beckett as she spoke.

"I wanted to be the woman you deserved, Castle. The one that could give you the part of her heart that was hidden behind the death of my mother. I want to be more than that person, Castle. I need to be. For you. For us. And I thought I could do it alone, but…I can't. I need you."

Her voice is small as she admits the truth, finding the light she sought in the brightness of his eyes. Castle cups her neck, thumb tracing small circles on her cheek as her eyelids flutter close. She leans into his palm, a small comfort as he whispers the words that helped heal her broken spirit.

"Let me help you, Kate. Let me in. Please."

She presses a gentle kiss to his lips, reveling in the simple beauty that is kissing him, as she whispered the simple desire of her heart.

"Love me, Castle."


End file.
